That which prevents me, and I suppose most of you, from being truly honest, from being truly myself in every single moment, in every act and word that comes out of my being is but one thing: fear.
A few hours ago my idealist self wrote this text about conditioning, what I called the Wall, and how it prevents us from seeing the Truth of who we are. And that our role and practise in our lives should be one of paying attention and not let our lowest emotions, thoughts and cravings manifest in our actions and speech.
That's all very nice and beautiful for sure. But actually I admit I can't really do it! It's hard as hell.
Always has it been costly to me this barren hill
and this fence, which everywhere
from my sight the ultimate horizon excludes.
But sitting and gazing, endless
spaces beyond it, and superhuman
silences, and a profound quietude
in my thoughts I take refuge; where for a while
my heart does not torment me. And like the wind
that whispers through the leaves, I keep comparing
that infinite silence to this voice:
and upon me the eternal is revealed
and the dead seasons and the living
and present one, and it's sound. In this
immensity my thought is drowned;
and so sweet is the founder in this sea.»
-- Giacomo Leopardi