“We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand...
and melting like a snowflake.”


The 21st card in the Thoth Tarot deck,
"The Universe"
This post comes as an answer to the proposition put forward by Chris in his blog post The Re-Enchantment Dialogues, Part 2: Suggestion Box.

Without wanting to sound pretentious, and admitting that I'm really not comfortable in sharing this for a number of reasons, I'll describe my first experience of re-enchantment here in the hope that it might benefit someone, or to give you a broader perspective of the variety and uncertainty of the process for each one.

For years I wrote a personal journal. During my daily life I just felt something was not right, and every time I felt this nausea, or something wanting to speak through me to be expressed to me, I just had to write it down, to put it outside of me, for me to look at, whatever it was: the way I view the world, why I thought the world was fucked, why I was feeling down and how it felt, philosophical musings, poetry, drawings, whatever came down the pipe I just had to put it down, it made me feel saner. I also started doing that with dreams, OBEs, and other strange phenomenons I was experiencing.

Because I already had acquired a taste for the weird, and a certainty that adult world was somehow off track, or being led offtrack, I started assimilating information about everything weird and rejected by society, paranormal, conspiracy, alternative archeology etc. I felt that everything was connected I just didn't know how but I knew the answer had to be somewhere in the midst of all the mystery rejected by the world. I moved then to become interested in religion, mythology and meditation. I got to the point that I really got isolated, nobody could really listen or be with me any more, family, friends, so I became sort of alienated from the world, a sort of divorce, "being in the world without belonging to the world". I quit my job and moved to another city. I had nothing else to hold on too, a nasty place to be, the only thing that kept me going was the hope for there to be an answer in the midst of all this mystery/magic.

Despite all this reading, contemplation, study, drugs, meditation etc, although they might have helped, I feel those were not the things that really got me there. What got me there was facing the pain, the shadow, the fear. In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Spock's brother, Sybok, thought that the way to God was through emotion (or the Heart, I believe), rather than logic. And he knew that that which kept men's minds in prison was a "secret pain" carried by the heart, that all man gain through life. This is interesting because that's really what was holding me back. I was carrying a secret pain which I had to face and let go off. The way I did this was again through writing, I wrote a letter to my father, so much bad stuff just got off of me. I felt an emotional charge or energy inspiring me to go through it. An amazing amount and depth of synchronicity/magic took over my reality during that process (which lasted for a week), somehow something was helping me through synchronicity. Everything changed. And I could in that state finally gain the courage to reconnect with my mother, and in that I cried like a baby.

I felt lighter, the world was beautiful, the sounds, sense of smell, colors, how I felt my body, it was just incredible and blissful, and the most amazing thing was this sense of Love for everybody and everything, and in that state I found it's much more simple to reconnect and actually understand other people. This state of being helped me even more to connect the dots, it was like super-fuel for the abstract mind, it helped me to understand the thing in itself. I started contemplating, between other symbols, a drawing I made of a triangle as a representation of the duality in our reality, and the top of it as the source/destiny, the One. I really tried hard to understand, and my mind just kept going so fast I felt I was going insane. At that moment It came to me a sentence spoken by Adyashanti: "If you try to understand this intellectually, it will go on for ever", at that time I understood where transhumanists are trying to go, and I got a taste, a vision, of the mechanical void that waits for them. Then another sentence came to mind by Ajahn Chah "the only book worth reading is the heart". At that moment there was this enormous pressure on my mind, I really lost it, and suddenly I just had to give up of everything, I really stopped, dropped my sketch book, got up, and felt my mind sort of crack, and found myself unable to think, there was no thought, nothing, only ME. I looked around and everything was shining, kind of like in a slow motion. And that was the moment I realized who I AM. Afterwards I felt that my "thought process" was trying to get back, and knew that I am not thought, it's alien to us. Maybe a device put there to deceive us into believing the reality/heaviness of the dream or conditions.

Anyway, the thing is, face your fear, pain, whatever dark room that is hidden inside, it might hold your key, cry if you feel the need, it helps, it worked for me. Have no fear of speaking your mind and expressing your feelings, even if it means letting go of everyone and everything in your reality. It is true that it takes a real commitment. We really got to be willing to put our sanity on the line for this.

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

But this is not a permanent state of being, it comes and goes. To me the way I usually get there again is, first there must be some emotional stability, not quarrels or disputes with anyone, family, friends, girlfriend. Then it becomes a matter of committing myself to recognizing every single moment as synchronicity, like Chris said: "Pretend everything is a dispatch from Olympus". And doing that it's like summoning the genie. I try to be mindful, at ease, try to feel myself connected to the Universe through Love. Not to believe but to Know that everyone and everything is GOD itself and that's when magic starts.

Another way which I got there was through solipsism, believing that everything was a projection of my mind, everything an illusion, all the Universe a mirage, and that only I existed. A weird place to be. The interesting thing is that synchronicity actually might support whatever I'm believing, and it facilitates the connection to Godspace.

It is also possible for me to get there through suffering and discomfort. For example I went to a danish farm this summer, where I worked as a green peas picker. The work is exhausting, physically demanding, the Sun was quite strong, and we worked on average 10 hours a day. While picking the peas I realized that what I was perceiving depended on my emotional and mind state. When I felt at ease, calm, mindful, and convinced myself I was enjoying the work, the peas suddenly increased in number and quality, it's like the Universe supports that state and reacts messing around with reality, fate, etc. Maybe "fate" was a term made up to deal with the magic of synchronicity in people's lives. On the other hand when I was angry, when I had trouble in accepting the present moment, the peas decreased in number and quality. So to me it became a sort of meditation, and being mindful and trying to enjoy it I believe is the secret. Although I'm not really sure if by actually trying to enjoy what I was doing was affecting my reality, but I know that by believing it I entered a profound state of consciousness where I am able to understand more, maybe because believing in such a crazy idea, non-linear and alien to the normal "Master OS" which imprisons men's minds, actually makes you crazy and places your consciousness outside of the mental conditioning, or in other words you merge with Godspace, you get to play God for a little bit, and that's when you actually activate the magic within and without. Some kind of connection occurs to Godspace. This connection might also be know as  entering the Flow. It's the surrendering to the Universe. Sometimes you use that to get inspired, to create, understand, other times it's the Universe itself that takes you on a synchronicity ride. So maybe what really matters is the muscle of "belief", or "knowing" that something IS the way it IS. We just need an excuse, through perception, to enter that state of consciousness. Whatever works for you is ok!

Here's a link to an article written by Kephas regarding the process of writing to yourself, it might help in the "The Re-Enchantment Dialogues" going on at The Secret Sun:


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