If I pay attention and observe the whole process of writing a text for this blog from the beginning to end, I can see that behind my conscious and rational intentions, which are to share information, ideas, self-expression and so on, there are also other more subtle or unconscious intentions and expectations.
Honesty
There's so much stuff happening inside me both emotionally and intellectually sometimes that it's difficult to make any sense of it. When I try to use this blog to alleviate some of that tension and express my inner weirdness it quickly becomes a maze of words, ideas, and I can easily loose track of what I was trying to express. This because my mind has this tendency to over-analyse everything even itself, reaching an exponential point of no-return where the conclusion is most of the times a climax of confusion. Add to this ego problems and other personal shortcomings and writing for this blog quickly becomes a struggle rather than what it was supposed be, a self-expression tool meant to provide some sense of enjoyment and relief.
No Mind, True Heart
I've been experimenting in the last couple of years with visiting places like monasteries where it was possible to meet people interested in spirituality and also have a feeling for the spiritual practices and life styles carried out in such places. I came to the conclusion that reality might be a bigger mess or an infinitely trickier puzzle than what I thought it was. Maybe the problem was I started out with just that: thought and no experience. Maybe we can't really put a label/description or "is" into this stuff, or in any other stuff, because the truth might simply be: Chaos. The First Noble Truth
Excerpt from "The Four Noble Truths" by Ajahn Sumedho:
A HANDFUL OF LEAVES
The Blessed One was once living at Kosambi in a wood of simsapa trees. He picked up a few leaves in his hand, and he asked the bhikkhus, ‘How do you conceive this, bhikkhus, which is more, the few leaves that I have picked up in my hand or those on the trees in the wood?
‘The leaves that the Blessed One has picked up in his hand are few, Lord; those in the wood are far more.’
‘So too, bhikkhus, the things that I have known by direct knowledge are more; the things that I have told you are only a few. Why have I not told them? Because they bring no benefit, no advancement in the Holy Life, and because they do not lead to dispassion, to fading, to ceasing, to stilling, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana. That is why I have not told them. And what have I told you? This is suffering; this is the origin of suffering; this is the cessation of suffering; this is the way leading to the cessation of suffering. That is what I have told you. Why have I told it? Because it brings benefit, and advancement in the Holy Life, and because it leads to dispassion, to fading, to ceasing, to stilling, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana. So bhikkhus, let your task be this: This is suffering; this is the origin of suffering; this is the cessation of suffering; this is the way leading to the cessation of suffering.’
[Samyutta Nikaya, LVI, 31]
The Blessed One was once living at Kosambi in a wood of simsapa trees. He picked up a few leaves in his hand, and he asked the bhikkhus, ‘How do you conceive this, bhikkhus, which is more, the few leaves that I have picked up in my hand or those on the trees in the wood?
‘The leaves that the Blessed One has picked up in his hand are few, Lord; those in the wood are far more.’
‘So too, bhikkhus, the things that I have known by direct knowledge are more; the things that I have told you are only a few. Why have I not told them? Because they bring no benefit, no advancement in the Holy Life, and because they do not lead to dispassion, to fading, to ceasing, to stilling, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana. That is why I have not told them. And what have I told you? This is suffering; this is the origin of suffering; this is the cessation of suffering; this is the way leading to the cessation of suffering. That is what I have told you. Why have I told it? Because it brings benefit, and advancement in the Holy Life, and because it leads to dispassion, to fading, to ceasing, to stilling, to direct knowledge, to enlightenment, to Nibbana. So bhikkhus, let your task be this: This is suffering; this is the origin of suffering; this is the cessation of suffering; this is the way leading to the cessation of suffering.’
[Samyutta Nikaya, LVI, 31]
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