“We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand...
and melting like a snowflake.”

Honesty

There's so much stuff happening inside me both emotionally and intellectually sometimes that it's difficult to make any sense of it. When I try to use this blog to alleviate some of that tension and express my inner weirdness it quickly becomes a maze of words, ideas, and I can easily loose track of what I was trying to express. This because my mind has this tendency to over-analyse everything even itself, reaching an exponential point of no-return where the conclusion is most of the times a climax of confusion. Add to this ego problems and other personal shortcomings and writing for this blog quickly becomes a struggle rather than what it was supposed be, a self-expression tool meant to provide some sense of enjoyment and relief.


My writing style so far as been one that might give off the impression that somehow I am someone who as answers, some-kind of authority in this stuff I write about. Well actually I am not. What I really am is someone who is full of doubts and insecurities. Having said this what I intend to do now is to try to get closer to that person I really am in my intimacy rather than try to uphold my idealistic personality. This  will be an attempt to get a step closer to honesty and openness which in this case inevitably will lead to exposing vulnerability, confusion, nonsense.

So from now on you'll see me write posts more often. Not because I am a narcissist but because I feel that exercising a different way of writing will be beneficial to me. You'll see me write about stuff that might seem to be completely irrelevant, trivial affairs, daily concerns, personal stories, random thoughts and subjects, my own doubts, fears and so on.

Honesty In my experience takes courage. Whenever I set myself to be really honest with myself and others, more often than not I fail tremendously. I feel this is so because being honest opens the door for others and yourself to really see who we really are, and by doing that we place ourselves in a situation where we expose our vulnerability and fragility, increasing the danger of getting hurt. So it's a situation that is really not comfortable to be in. No wonder we try to avoid honesty and openness, preferring to carry around our masks, beliefs and ideals, showing them off like peacocks on heat display their colourful tails. We only dare to lower the shields and expose our true face to those we trust the most, and even then we might feel it's not a safe bet.

In conclusion I'll try to offer you a lit bit more truthfulness and a little bit less bullshit here.

Be well.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

can you leave us your email and we can chat,that would be great

lavenderrose@comcast.net

tks
love our blog, and all the writing and the Indian and all the podcasts, very beautiful friend

Lauren said...

Love this whole post! When you spend time seeking and exploring the truth, I think it can make you feel insane... a "climax of confusion" sums it up pretty well! I also think that it's wonderful to not try to convince others that you "know". We're all trying to learn... and reading from others who are trying to learn the same things you are is more refreshing and comforting than someone who claims to know it all. Also, I have found that Honesty is a huge Key, and that you are on to something for following that instinct. Keep it up ~ thank you for your posts. I'm not brave enough to share my own stories, but I wanted to share my appreciation for yours!

Bruno Tarrana said...

Thank you Anonymous and Lauren

Aquila ka Hecate said...

I've been doing this for some time now. If I might offer something: look on it as a personal diary, for your own sake, which you may want to reference in the future. This works quite well for me.
Also - I know the trepidations you speak of. Do not have any fear. We can never hurt You.Not really.

Love,
Terri in Joburg

postofficebuddy said...

Much appreciated attitude, thanks for sharing.

Cheers,
@1flos