Honesty

There's so much stuff happening inside me both emotionally and intellectually sometimes that it's difficult to make any sense of it. When I try to use this blog to alleviate some of that tension and express my inner weirdness it quickly becomes a maze of words, ideas, and I can easily loose track of what I was trying to express. This because my mind has this tendency to over-analyse everything even itself, reaching an exponential point of no-return where the conclusion is most of the times a climax of confusion. Add to this ego problems and other personal shortcomings and writing for this blog quickly becomes a struggle rather than what it was supposed be, a self-expression tool meant to provide some sense of enjoyment and relief.

My writing style so far as been one that might give off the impression that somehow I am someone who as answers, some-kind of authority in this stuff I write about. Well actually I am not. What I really am is someone who is full of doubts and insecurities. Having said this what I intend to do now is to try to get closer to that person I really am in my intimacy rather than try to uphold my idealistic personality. This  will be an attempt to get a step closer to honesty and openness which in this case inevitably will lead to exposing vulnerability, confusion, nonsense.

So from now on you'll see me write posts more often. Not because I am a narcissist but because I feel that exercising a different way of writing will be beneficial to me. You'll see me write about stuff that might seem to be completely irrelevant, trivial affairs, daily concerns, personal stories, random thoughts and subjects, my own doubts, fears and so on.

Honesty In my experience takes courage. Whenever I set myself to be really honest with myself and others, more often than not I fail tremendously. I feel this is so because being honest opens the door for others and yourself to really see who we really are, and by doing that we place ourselves in a situation where we expose our vulnerability and fragility, increasing the danger of getting hurt. So it's a situation that is really not comfortable to be in. No wonder we try to avoid honesty and openness, preferring to carry around our masks, beliefs and ideals, showing them off like peacocks on heat display their colourful tails. We only dare to lower the shields and expose our true face to those we trust the most, and even then we might feel it's not a safe bet.

In conclusion I'll try to offer you a lit bit more truthfulness and a little bit less bullshit here.

Be well.